There’s far too many non-apologies going around the Web of late, and I’m sure nobody’s too surprised.

Michigan Senate candidate Pete Hoekstra took down his racist website which featured the racist “Rice Paddy” ad played during the Super Bowl. Hoekstra’s campaign spokesman Paul Ciaramataro said “”Democrats talk about race when they can’t defend their records,” and Hoekstra himself has echoed the sentiment. Hmm, no, I’m pretty sure that Democrats–and even Republicans–talk about race whenever something is racist. 

Taking Hoekstra’s “it’s not really about race” lead, sports journalist Jason Whitlock kinda-sorta apologized last weekend (I think Richard Pryor’s at fault or something?) to Knicks superstsar Jeremy Lin for making what a lot of people have called “unfunny” (and some people have called “offensive”) joke about the basketball player following the Knicks win over the Lakers.

To the Pete Hoekstras and Jason Whitlocks of the world, I’d just like to say, in the immortal words of the band One Republic:

It’s too late the apologize, it’s too late

I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

Too late, ohhhhh

We don’t need no stinkin’ apologies. The Interwebs have already spoken. If I were Pete Hoekstra, I wouldn’t try to google myself or I might find a whole lotta finger wagging. Oh, and this awesome parody video featuring Ali Wong reprising the role of Rice Paddy Girl.

And you can call him Jason Dimwitlock for thinking he could make light of the Linsanity that’s sweeping the nation. You want funny? See the Colbert Report. Pay attention, Jason Whitlock, for this is how comedy, as they say, is done, son:

You know things are bad when a Harvard economics grad has an easier time getting a job as an NBA point guard than a Wall Street bond trader…

Fans have not come down with a basketball-born disease this intense since Kareem Abdul Ja-botulism.

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